Memento Mori
by bardalicious
Summary: "Remember your mortality." Goku's sudden death stunned them all, but it was how he died that was surprising. Hakkai must lament on the death he felt he could have prevented, and recalls times where he could have helped the other. Now he must find the culprit [warning: character death obviously] [Hakkai and Goku centric]
1. Chapter 1

It was the dead of night when he woke up.

As he lay there in the darkness pondering if he should fall back asleep, he could hear the still breathing of his partner for the night. However it became difficult once the wind outside picked up outside and the rain pounded down onto the window next to him. The only thing illuminating the room was the occasional lightening strike, to which he took the opportunity to stare at his roommate from across the room.

With the luck of the draw, Goku had been paired with Hakkai for the night. He wondered idly to himself how the other two were fairing, but found it much easier not to worry about them as he usually did. Nowadays it was rare for them to have gotten to an inn with more than one room to board, so he supposed he really did get lucky this time.

It had been almost a year and a half since they began their journey, and it seemed unreal to the heretic that it was almost over. With each new step they took, new obstacles would come and try to tear the group apart. However, they remained as resiliant as ever and they always seemed to find a way to get back on their feet.

Goku could only smile at that thought. Though there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind, something that told him that this was far from over and that now that they were nearing their destination that they should be worried. That Nii person, or Ukoku-whatever he wanted to be called...well he frightened him.

The last time they met up with him wasn't exactly a pleasant one, and it seemed that Ukoku only had eyes for him and Sanzo. What exactly did he want from them? Of course, the young boy knew that the guy was only after him half the time since he seems to be closer to Sanzo than the rest.

Could this be some sort of revenge? He wasn't sure, and he knew that it was Sanzo's business as it was his past-not the boy's. It was strange however, he never felt this sort of fear before. "Kyuuuu...?"

Their little white companion's meek little voice pulled him out of his thoughts, for a moment he thought that the dragon was simply dreaming. However it made another noise and seemed to move from his master's side, "Hakuryuu..." Goku commented quietly, "You should get some rest, hm?"

The dragon only nudged him, tilting his head to the side though Goku hardly saw it in the dark. "Kyuuuu..."

Smiling gently, the golden eyed boy ran his hand down the nape of the dragon's neck to try and comfort it. Perhaps he was scared of the thunder and lightening, it was times like these Hakkai would shut himself off-so Goku was sort of glad that it didn't start until after they had fallen asleep. "It's okay, Hakuryuu-it's outside, we're on the inside so it won't hurt you."

The small creature only curled up against him in response, resting his head on the blankets and seemed to fall back asleep. However it wasn't long before Hakkai had joined him from his slumber, "Goku...? What are you doing awake at this time?"

"I couldn't sleep..." Goku murmured, petting the dragon's head as he did; "I'm sorry if I woke you, Hakuryuu sort of flew over here by himself..."

He could just feel the concerned look Hakkai shot his way, he didn't even need to see the healer's face for him to know that's what he looked like right now. "You should try and rest, perhaps a cup of tea will help?"

"You're fine Hakkai, you should go back to sleep. I can fall asleep on the way to th'next village."

"It wouldn't do us well in chance of a youkai attack."

Goku laughed softly, "No I guess it wouldn't, can't have a zombie on your team. But perhaps this will prevent me from being able to die."

"Perhaps...is there something on your mind, Goku?"

There was silence for a moment, Goku wasn't sure how to answer that question. Of course there was something on his mind, there was quite a lot-but how to relay that to the healer without sounding too whiney. "Our journey is almost over, well...the getting to India Journey is almost over."

"Ah, yes you're quite right."

Another moment of silence, "Do...Do you think we're ready, Hakkai?"

"Well, I can't say that we ever were-but if we were to back down now, it would make the whole mission pointless."

"Yes, I know-but what if...what if I'm not strong enough?"

"Goku, you are always finding ways to doubt yourself."

He supposed the healer was right. He never doubted himself as much as he did when it counted, so why did he now? He supposed there would always be a bad feeling in his stomach, but for now he felt he shouldn't worry about it. "Yeah, I guess so-you always know what to say, huh?"

"I suppose I do," Hakkai laughed softly, "but maybe I'm being a little too cocky there."

"Thanks, Hakkai."

"It's no problem, now go back to sleep. We have a long way to go until the next village."

Goku could only nod, knowing that his gesture was unseen by his roommate; "Goodnight, Hakkai."

"Goodnight, Goku."

* * *

It wasn't that Hakkai didn't like sleeping in, it was just that he never got the opportunity to do so. When Hakuryuu began to pull at his sheets and chirp in his ear, the Healer knew that it was time to get out of bed and see what his little pet wanted. In his grogginess he missed how alarmed the white dragon was, or what he even was trying to point out.

"Hang on a second there, Hakuryuu..." He spoke calmly, "I need a minute to collect myself."

"Kyuu!"

When he was finally able to gather himself, and place on his monocle; Hakkai noted that his poor dragon was covered in blood. "Hakuryuu! W-What happened?! Are you hurt?!" The healer immediately checked for wounds, only to find that the blood was not his; "Then...what-?"

To his horror the blood was that of his companions, and with a sharp breath he turned to the other's bed only to find it drenched in blood. He could see his hand dangling from the bed, and by how lifeless the boy seemed he was certain that the boy was dead. "Go...ku...?"

Quickly he pulled the sheets away, trying to deny in his mind that he could be dead. He must have been attacked, but he should have sensed something happening. It was just like that time with...Hakkai dared not even speak his name. There wasn't a thing he could do this time however, no matter how many times he used his chi.

"Goku!" He called out to him, "Goku...!"

After minutes of futile attempts to revive him, the healer sunk back on his feet. The denial in his heart soon turned to grief, and without a moments thought to the others-the demon slayer let out a scream.

* * *

Authors note: I really love the idea of a Goku/Hakkai centric fic, and this sort of turned differently. I know Hakkai and Goku don't seem to have that 'bond', but I really like how they play off of each other in the series and the complete trust the two have in each other.


	2. Chapter 2

_How could this have happened? _

It had taken quite a while before he was calmed down, and Gojyo wasn't sure if his friend would ever be fine again. It had shocked them all, but there was only one thing left to do and he wasn't sure if they were ready.

Burying their friend seemed all too permanent, that was when they would know that he was not coming back.

Goku wasn't going to wake up ever again.

The red head found himself running back and forth between his two companions, having asked the inn keeper for one extra room so Hakkai would be away from the body. No matter how many times he told the healer, he would always attempt to try and revive him again. It was like Hakkai thought he could do something, but both Gojyo and Sanzo knew their companion wasn't going to come back.

He had been surprised that Sanzo was taking it as calmly as he did, last time he remembered Goku being near death and the priest had nearly lost his damn mind. They needed to bury him, they didn't need to leave his body rotting away in the room for them to look at. He deserved a proper burial and Gojyo cursed silently that they weren't close to home.

Perhaps it was better this way.

Had he been in the room with Goku, could this have been prevented? He wasn't sure how it could have happened, the minute trouble brewed they were usually able to sense it and ward it off. How could someone like the monkey be taken down so easily? Hell, he was the strongest out of them all!

This was royally fucked up on all levels.

* * *

Hakuryu stared up at his owner, making a small noise to try and draw his attention away from the window. He knew what he was doing, he was blaming himself for not realizing that Goku was in trouble. The dragon hated when he got into that mindset, it wasn't doing anybody good with him like that and he just wanted him to smile again.

Hakkai only responded with a pat on the head however, much to the dragon's disliking. He could hear movement outside, and that was when Gojyo popped his head in the door. "Hey 'kai," the taller male called out, "we have to bury him soon."

It took him a minute to register what was said to him, Hakkai seemed to stare blankly at his companion. Hakuryuu watched the exchange with anxious eyes as Gojyo repeated his statement, followed by one from the distraught healer-"I could possibly-"

"There's nothing you can do for him, 'Kai." Gojyo said firmly, "I know it's hard to accept, but we can't leave his body there."

Hakkai didn't grace him with an answer.

"You can stay here if you want, Sanzo and I will take care of it."

Again, no answer.

"Hakuryuu, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

* * *

The small dragon chirped in response, keeping an eye on his master as the door closed again. How the little dragon wished for Goku to magically wake up again, then maybe Hakkai wouldn't look so depressed.

The minute he had heard Hakkai scream, Sanzo honestly had thought that it was the dragon that suffered-not his ward. When they entered the room with their weapons raised he hadn't expected to look into the dead eyes of his charge-the boy who sworn to stay by his side. It hadn't sunk in either by the time Gojyo announced that they should bury the body, but for once the priest had agreed with him on something.

They couldn't leave him there to rot any longer.

Not surprisingly the healer didn't help them, and perhaps it was for the best. It was seemingly shocking that he was as calm as he was, but the blond knew that it hadn't hit him yet. He knew that down the road this would come back and haunt him, despite having tried to put Goku at a distance so he would never feel that pain again.

Had he been in the room with Goku, would he have been able to sense trouble? Hakkai was usually keen on picking up things before they went awry, but he had somehow missed an intruder. Goku should have been able to fight back as well, even though the boy was seemingly a deep sleeper he was always able to bounce out of bed for an attack.

Usually he was the first one out of them to attack full on.

And with help with some villagers, who had somehow been kind enough to grant them a marking on such short notice-they buried their comrade. Sanzo wasn't exactly sure if he was ready to bury him, but he kept his face neutral as his charge was covered. When he was completely buried he walked away, leaving Gojyo to lament by his graveside.

What were they to do now? He knew they had a mission to complete, but he supposed it'd be harder without their fourth member.

* * *

It would seem ideal to attack the party now, at such a vunerable state.

Kougaiji however stalled from afar, watching as both Gojyo and Sanzo buried their comrade's body into the ground and then leaving it behind once he was out of view. The whole thing had shocked him all, and he turned to his team to see if they had any answers. "Son Goku is dead," He said, wondering if he was just stating the obvious; "it'd be unfair to attack them now, in such a vunerable state."

"Shouldn't we go ahead and do it? Get the scriptures while we're at it?" Yaone questioned.

"After losing Doku, I don't think it's fair for us to attack his brother in such a state."

Gojyo had been told a month before of his brother's passing, and Kougaiji wasn't sure of his reaction just yet. But he wanted to respect his grieving process-as it seemed the half breed treated Goku in a brother like manner like Doku had with him. He knew they would have to get the scripture sooner or later, but getting it while they were in such a state seemed wrong to him.

"So that's it? We're not going after him? You're such a softie!" Lirin mocked, but Kougaiji did not respond to her; "Big brother?"

"We will meet with them again," Kougaiji said finally, "just not under these circumstances-it would be weak of me to do that to them."

* * *

It was a week before they finally moved.

Gojyo had been the one to suggest it to Sanzo, saying that they shouldn't waste anymore time in the village where Goku had been killed. It wasn't good on their mental wellbeing, and it wasn't certainly doing Hakkai any favors. He had offered to drive, with Sanzo in the back and Hakkai filling the passenger seat.

The half-breed had been shocked that the priest had let this happen, as he usually preferred the front himself. Though he figured this was out of respect for Hakkai, though he wouldn't admit it outright. He wondered idly what they were going to do about Goku's killer, should they find him-and who would have rights to kill him?

Would it be Sanzo? That would make the most sense, as they had the strongest bond out of the four of them. Gojyo wanted a piece of them himself, and he was sure that Hakkai felt the same way-deep down at least. He hadn't spoken much since, internally he was probably blaming himself for the younger's death.

It was like the first time he had met him, he half expected his friend to jump out of the jeep and track back to the village just for Goku.

When night rolled around he pulled over, giving rations of food out to the two of them. None of them felt like eating, it appeared they had too much food even. But Gojyo knew they needed their strength, and he was waiting for Sanzo's outburst. 'What am I going to do if they both go crazy?'

The Priest retired first, not saying much himself as he went off to sleep. Hakkai didn't move to sleep, his fingers seemingly caressing the side of the jeep. Gojyo sighed quietly, "'Kai, you gotta stop dwelling on it."

"He was our friend, Gojyo. I can't stop thinking of how I could-"

"What happened, happened. I'm sure wherever the monkey is now, he's not blaming you either."

Hakkai was silent again.

"God dammit, since when did we become this fucked up?"

* * *

Authors note: Wow! This is a way late update, but here it is finally...


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